Beautiful Girls at the Club are like Triple Whoppers.... with Cheese

  

So I met one of my closest friend's cousins last week at the club. One word: (O_O)!!!!!!! This chick was gorgeous!!! I mean like no questions, all around, universal appeal, is that a real person type beauty! She was like the perfect Beyonce-Lauryn Hill-Trina mix! =0!!! ....Hopefully you get the point I'm trying to make here (That ole' girl was BAD then a muh fuh and THICKER than grandma's cheese grits!!!)

Anywho, as I stood in amazement, gawking at what could possibly be the most beautiful girl I have seen thus far in my collegiate social life I realized something.... none of the guys around us seemed to be taking notice. Granted, there was a country music band playing terrible renditions of Nelly songs on fiddles and banjos playing in the background, but this should not have distracted the menfolk that much! I noticed that as she stood there balancing just the right amount of sex appeal and class, guys walked right past her - flocking to the group of Pigeons and Hood Mice standing near her. How could this be??!?? How could a girl who looks like Aphrodite created her herself be passed over for a chick in Miley Cyrus collection shorts and hair store 'sale' bin weave?!?

One explanation: Triple Whoppers with cheese!!!! Damn you Burger King!!!
No seriously tho, let me explain what I mean:

You just paid your bursar registration bill for this semester - so you're FLAT BROKE! You're hungry, so you head to BK. When you get there you see the #3: Triple Whopper (w/ cheese). DAMN YOU WANT that Whopper... but you know you don't have the $7.25 (don't judge me) to get it  - so you settle for the Grilled Chicken sandwich - no cheese, no bacon, no ketchup! 

Are you getting it now??? Dont worry, it took me a while too!
Here's the thing:

When guys go to the club, they want to have a good time.... but they dont want to work for that good time! Convenience is the code at the club, so if you look in any way inconvenient - i.e. classy, beautiful, bout yo business!...$7.25 expensive when they just paid their bill - dont expect to get holla'd at. Don't take it as an insult towards your attractiveness - you may very well be the most beautiful girl in the club that night (as my friend's cousin CLEARLY was) - but you pose a threat, a challenge...not easy! Guys may feel like you are on a totally different level than they are and that they dont stand a chance, so their fear of rejection leaves them right there...tryna talk to the Hood Mice... the Chicken Sandwiches they know they can have.

So the next time you feel discouraged at the club because the Chicken Sandwich next to you got holla'd at and you didn't - don't take it as an attack...maybe the guy just couldn't afford you: the Triple Whopper.....with cheese!!!

1-D Friends

One dimensional friends......am I the only one who feels like I know people like this?
If you're not sure what I mean by a 1-D friend, allow me 2 provide a few examples:

1. Angela - the friend that calls me every saturday to see what club is 'Jumpin tonight'

2. Tiffany - The Wal-Mart homie that only calls when she needs help carrying grocery bags

3. Joanna - the Vegan friend who you only see at Animal Rights rallies (maybe this one is just me)

4. Bernadette - the friend who blows the horn outside ur window every Sunday so you can ride with her to early morning service at her grandpa's Episcopal Baptist Church

Hopefully you get my drift.... 

Am I the only person with friends like these? It wouldn't (and doesnt) bother me when a relationship is FORCED to be this way - for example Alex, the girl I sit next to in Biology and occasionally chat with, who I never plan on seeing outside of the classroom! But when we have hung out together, run in the same circles, I've met your mom, you've seen me cry, I donated my right kidney to your sister...I kinda expect more than a 1-D relationship with you!

Case in point: 1-D friend who REFUSES to talk with me about anything other than hair! 1-D has clubbed on weekends with me, studied with me, slept on my bed (long story), AND ate off my meal plan! Eating off my meal plan?!?!? thats love and commitment right there, and the most I get in conversation is "Girrrrrrrl, how did you get your baby hairs to lay down like that???" 

(O_O)

Really? 

In cases like these, 1-D friends really irritate me. I feel like they have type-cast me for a role that I didnt even audition for! My question is WHY??? Did 1-D decide that all of my other conversations were boring, so all we can discuss is hair? Or maybe 1-D in fact really is one dimensional, and only discusses hair =\

Whatever the reason for this foolery, I want no parts of it! 

The one thing that I have lacked my entire life has been long-lasting friendships - either I would move around too much to maintain relationships or would all of a sudden fall out with a 'friend' that I did manage to keep. I've noticed this pattern and dont wish to continue it! I'm done with the on-off-on-off friends! I feel that 1-D's are just another form of these. I don't want friends I don't hear from all week, then saturday night they BLOW MY PHONE UP!! 

I want holistic friends, 3-Dimensional friends....hell, I want HD Plasma Screen friends!!!!!!!!