Oh, F*ck off TITLE BOX!!!

So my last post was in July... *GHOST*

I want to blog on a more consistent basis, honestly I do, but I don't know how I feel about my intimate thoughts and feelings being put out there for everyone to read!  YEAH RIGHT!!!! LOL I have just been busy! Now, back to our regularly scheduled blogging =D

Why did I (we) do it??? Pt 2

Stating the obvious again, this is part 2

So, I'm in India doing an Internship which seems to have ruined my life! 

I finally get internet and log on to [facebook]

after reading several messages about how 'good I put it down', I quickly realize that this is NOT my facebook, but the facebook of the man boy I am supposed to be in a relationship with.

Message after message from girls whom have "experienced" him recently...IN MY APARTMENT!

Wait, wait, wait....you mean to tell me that this dude not only cheated within 1 month of being in a committed relationship, but he did so in YOUR house, where you pay bills, where your name is on the lease?!??!

Yes! That is exactly what I'm telling you!

What was I to do??? I am in India, literally on the other side of the planet from my apartment, my new laptop, and my blade!

So I'm forced to suck it up and play it cool until my mother can get my keys from this fool!

How could I do it? How could I be trusting enough to leave my keys with a guy that I had been in a relationship with for under 2 months? How could I give him access to my stuff? Why was I even in a relationship???

Truth is, I did what someone in a relationship is supposed to be able to do: trust my partner, be honest, let them in, be vulnerable....

But perhaps I just chose the wrong one to do so with. This guy I a liar...I knew that. He had nothing - no job, no car, not in school, not in the military, no goals, nothing! But I decided that some people have rough starts, and learn to smooth it over in the end. So I tried to care for him, to give him a leg up by helping him get a phone, get a job, get a life! I tried to hard...I tried to help the wrong person.

In all honesty, I would love to feel that "Men aint shit! He's such a dog! They're all the same!" feeling, just so I can feel SOMETHING...anything! But I don't...I see this as an isolated tragedy. They are NOT all the same, he was an ass and  coward - that doesn't mean all men are bad...it just means I chose a bad one =\

Why did I do it? Because I was trying to open up my heart to someone...because I wanted the experience of a relationship to see what all the hype was about....because its only natural to expect someone is telling you the truth!

I can say it was my first relationship and now I know the signs...and I will try my hardest to not pick another bad one!

Why did I (we) do it??? Pt 1

This will be the first of 2 blogs...if you couldn't tell from the [Pt 1] in the title.

Okay, so I've never seen the 'Toya: a Family affair' show before today but somehow I have found myself watching a marathon! As I'm watching, one of her brothers [Casey] has an argument with the mother of his child [Gay Gay]. Gay Gay is a college student who works full time, and has found herself pregnant by Casey, currently unemployed and un-enrolled in school. My aunt - who is to blame for me watching this marathon - poses the question: "Why do these girls do that? Good girls go out here and get involved with these guys who have nothing going for themselves!"   I pause. given my recent situation in which I did EXACTLY that, I really had to evaluate my motivation behind it. Why did I decide that for my first relationship, I would decide to be with a man boy with no job, no potential, not in school, nothing in common with me???? 

I had to think for a second, then I realized: who would I date in school? What guy at my school would want to be in a relationship while in college? And if they did want to be in a relationship, chances are they are already in one! Secondly, Black guys who reach status seem to completely lose interest in Black women. As soon as they become engineering majors, varsity basketball\football\soccer (whatever) players, or any equivalent, they feel that being with girls of other races is the thing to do - be it as a symbol of status, exploring something new, or just plain preference. Honestly it's hard to find a black guy in school that will be in a relationship with a black girl, but it's damn near impossible to get a guy of another race to date you!!!! I'm gonna blog on this later, but in short - stereotypes and interracial porn have ruined the black woman's chances of being approached by a guy of another race in an academic setting such as college. 

Us girls go through the college phase of just wanting to party, have fun, and be spoiled by guys...but we outgrow that stage before guys do, thus we sit around at our Aunt's houses watching marathons of shows we've never seen before! 

Tired of being squeezed out of the dating pool...somebody throw me a life vest!!!!

To a Dark Skinned Black Woman

Dear Dark Skinned Black Women,
Here is why I think you're the most beautiful women on earth..

Your confidence.
You walk with the strength that centuries of pain has blessed you with, yet with the refined grace of dynasties past. And when you laugh, the stars align and sparkle along your face.

Your beautiful dark skin. Beautifully smooth, warm, pure, tempting....yeah tempting! Everyone loves chocolate...
And original...THE original!
I love us dark skinned black women! 
But I hate the way some of us blaspheme the original... wish it were watered down, bleached out....eased up...erased  

Blaque is the personification of all things life: strength, tone, beauty...

Touch Black in your mind, is it giving you chills yet?
Touch Caramel?
Touch White?
Touch Red?
Touch Yellow?

Not quite the same, is it?

Pay no attention to MTV and BET if they don't pay any attention to you.
Pay attention to the ones who see the kiss of Queens upon you.
Pay attention to the first woman, who was dark as the still of the night and as beautiful as the view into heaven itself.

And nothing's changed.
You're still that beautiful women.
And, I just wanted to remind you of that....remind us of that...

Every other women is just a reproduction of you!

As Graduation Nears...

As the last final I will ever take as an undergraduate approaches, it finally hits me that this is my last semester in college! Im outta here in August (long story that I will soon explain)!!!! I sit at my desk thinking of all the amazing times I've had... and all the not so amazing ones too! I decided why not update my blog with a list of things I would have done differently, if I had known what I know now:

1. Gone to a BASKETBALL game!!! Seriously, they always give out free stuff...plus it's my favorite sport!
2. Made friends with more professors....nothing like a good letter of recommendation =)
3. Enjoyed my freshman year more: it's all downhill from there
4. Lived on-campus...cheap, close to class, and great way to meet people
5. NEVER TAKE HONORS PHYSICS...and while we're at it NEVER TAKE AFRICANA STUDIES either!
6. Going Greek is hard.....staying Greek...even harder!
7. Have a life outside of school!
8. Never get a crush on your friend's brother... for some reason brothers of friends never like you back =\
9. Dressed up for class more often. People treat you so different when you're wearing a suit!
10. Save money from my refund checks!!!!
11. NEVER live with your Line Sister!!!!! 
12. Being in the library with books doesn't mean you are studying!
13. FACEBOOK is evil during midterms/finals
14. Unless its a math class or a major class, never buy the book!
15. Walking from the Chem Building to Lowder's 2nd floor auditorium in 8 minutes is NOT possible!
16. Make a friend...not just any ole friend....that one epic, novel worthy friend that will be there even after the cap and gown, pomp and circumstance, blow ups, scandals, crying sessions, laugh riots, late nights, early mornings, doctors visits, community service hours, World War 3, alien invasions...WHATEVER!! Find that friend in college, and hang on to them because friends like that only happen once in a lifetime...and because they will earn $1million more on average for having a Bachelors degree =D

Case of the Ex

Despite the misleading title, there will be no discussion of Mya (or her career...which seems to be on life support at the moment =\)

This blog is actually a personal one

So.... I made an exception to my 'No Backsies' rule

Allow me to explain: It has been my experience that if I have a falling out with someone once - be it a friend, cousin, or potential boyfriend - it WILL happen again! Therefore, I rarely befriend people I've been in arguments with again after an argument. This also applies to guys I've talked to: If we didn't end up in a relationship before... it likely won't happen now! so no re-dating (also known as Backsies!!)

Call this rule unrealistic if you want, but people have come in and out of my life (many not very pleasant) and I try to keep the repeats to a minimum. If you left before, there was a reason for it, and you will likely do it again!

Knowing this, I still violated my own rule... and now I'm knee deep in 'What do I do now?'

Truth is, the guy I violated my rule for (lets call him Joe, for the sake of simplicity, and to change his name to protect the not so innocent) always makes me violate rules!!! I met Joe over Spring Break '09, right after a harsh break up of sorts with the 1st guy I'd ever talked to. Joe and I danced the night away to the sounds of Lil Wayne, Uncle Luke, and other "pop that booty" rappers and ended up kinda diggin' each other. You can imagine what went on (seeing as how it was Spring Break)... and how surprised I was when he called me after we got back from Panama City Beach. After that Joe and I spent a lot of time together, that is, until a year later when I found out he had a girlfriend!!!

I didnt want to show it at the time, but I was hurt.... I actually liked Joe! And out of all of the Bozo-the-clowns if talked to since, I've had the strongest feelings for him. It was hard for me to shake him last year, so when he resurfaced a few months back via Facebook, I immediately clicked the 'confirm' button!

Well Joe is back now and what am I to do? I had such strong feelings for him (I refuse to say love, just because I dont know what 'love' is, and thats not an emotion you just throw around all willy nilly) and now that he's back, it almost feels like fate. He doesn't have a girlfriend now, and expressed that he wants to be with me but the idea still lingers in my head that when I met him before, he was CHEATING on his girlfriend with me. My grandmother always says 'How you get him is how you'll lose him', and I dont want my first REAL relationship to end with me being cheated on. So he's changed he says...and I actually believe that... but I'm just not ready to let my guard down I guess...

I should have stuck to my rule

Beautiful Girls at the Club are like Triple Whoppers.... with Cheese

  

So I met one of my closest friend's cousins last week at the club. One word: (O_O)!!!!!!! This chick was gorgeous!!! I mean like no questions, all around, universal appeal, is that a real person type beauty! She was like the perfect Beyonce-Lauryn Hill-Trina mix! =0!!! ....Hopefully you get the point I'm trying to make here (That ole' girl was BAD then a muh fuh and THICKER than grandma's cheese grits!!!)

Anywho, as I stood in amazement, gawking at what could possibly be the most beautiful girl I have seen thus far in my collegiate social life I realized something.... none of the guys around us seemed to be taking notice. Granted, there was a country music band playing terrible renditions of Nelly songs on fiddles and banjos playing in the background, but this should not have distracted the menfolk that much! I noticed that as she stood there balancing just the right amount of sex appeal and class, guys walked right past her - flocking to the group of Pigeons and Hood Mice standing near her. How could this be??!?? How could a girl who looks like Aphrodite created her herself be passed over for a chick in Miley Cyrus collection shorts and hair store 'sale' bin weave?!?

One explanation: Triple Whoppers with cheese!!!! Damn you Burger King!!!
No seriously tho, let me explain what I mean:

You just paid your bursar registration bill for this semester - so you're FLAT BROKE! You're hungry, so you head to BK. When you get there you see the #3: Triple Whopper (w/ cheese). DAMN YOU WANT that Whopper... but you know you don't have the $7.25 (don't judge me) to get it  - so you settle for the Grilled Chicken sandwich - no cheese, no bacon, no ketchup! 

Are you getting it now??? Dont worry, it took me a while too!
Here's the thing:

When guys go to the club, they want to have a good time.... but they dont want to work for that good time! Convenience is the code at the club, so if you look in any way inconvenient - i.e. classy, beautiful, bout yo business!...$7.25 expensive when they just paid their bill - dont expect to get holla'd at. Don't take it as an insult towards your attractiveness - you may very well be the most beautiful girl in the club that night (as my friend's cousin CLEARLY was) - but you pose a threat, a challenge...not easy! Guys may feel like you are on a totally different level than they are and that they dont stand a chance, so their fear of rejection leaves them right there...tryna talk to the Hood Mice... the Chicken Sandwiches they know they can have.

So the next time you feel discouraged at the club because the Chicken Sandwich next to you got holla'd at and you didn't - don't take it as an attack...maybe the guy just couldn't afford you: the Triple Whopper.....with cheese!!!