Why did I (we) do it??? Pt 2

Stating the obvious again, this is part 2

So, I'm in India doing an Internship which seems to have ruined my life! 

I finally get internet and log on to [facebook]

after reading several messages about how 'good I put it down', I quickly realize that this is NOT my facebook, but the facebook of the man boy I am supposed to be in a relationship with.

Message after message from girls whom have "experienced" him recently...IN MY APARTMENT!

Wait, wait, wait....you mean to tell me that this dude not only cheated within 1 month of being in a committed relationship, but he did so in YOUR house, where you pay bills, where your name is on the lease?!??!

Yes! That is exactly what I'm telling you!

What was I to do??? I am in India, literally on the other side of the planet from my apartment, my new laptop, and my blade!

So I'm forced to suck it up and play it cool until my mother can get my keys from this fool!

How could I do it? How could I be trusting enough to leave my keys with a guy that I had been in a relationship with for under 2 months? How could I give him access to my stuff? Why was I even in a relationship???

Truth is, I did what someone in a relationship is supposed to be able to do: trust my partner, be honest, let them in, be vulnerable....

But perhaps I just chose the wrong one to do so with. This guy I a liar...I knew that. He had nothing - no job, no car, not in school, not in the military, no goals, nothing! But I decided that some people have rough starts, and learn to smooth it over in the end. So I tried to care for him, to give him a leg up by helping him get a phone, get a job, get a life! I tried to hard...I tried to help the wrong person.

In all honesty, I would love to feel that "Men aint shit! He's such a dog! They're all the same!" feeling, just so I can feel SOMETHING...anything! But I don't...I see this as an isolated tragedy. They are NOT all the same, he was an ass and  coward - that doesn't mean all men are bad...it just means I chose a bad one =\

Why did I do it? Because I was trying to open up my heart to someone...because I wanted the experience of a relationship to see what all the hype was about....because its only natural to expect someone is telling you the truth!

I can say it was my first relationship and now I know the signs...and I will try my hardest to not pick another bad one!

Why did I (we) do it??? Pt 1

This will be the first of 2 blogs...if you couldn't tell from the [Pt 1] in the title.

Okay, so I've never seen the 'Toya: a Family affair' show before today but somehow I have found myself watching a marathon! As I'm watching, one of her brothers [Casey] has an argument with the mother of his child [Gay Gay]. Gay Gay is a college student who works full time, and has found herself pregnant by Casey, currently unemployed and un-enrolled in school. My aunt - who is to blame for me watching this marathon - poses the question: "Why do these girls do that? Good girls go out here and get involved with these guys who have nothing going for themselves!"   I pause. given my recent situation in which I did EXACTLY that, I really had to evaluate my motivation behind it. Why did I decide that for my first relationship, I would decide to be with a man boy with no job, no potential, not in school, nothing in common with me???? 

I had to think for a second, then I realized: who would I date in school? What guy at my school would want to be in a relationship while in college? And if they did want to be in a relationship, chances are they are already in one! Secondly, Black guys who reach status seem to completely lose interest in Black women. As soon as they become engineering majors, varsity basketball\football\soccer (whatever) players, or any equivalent, they feel that being with girls of other races is the thing to do - be it as a symbol of status, exploring something new, or just plain preference. Honestly it's hard to find a black guy in school that will be in a relationship with a black girl, but it's damn near impossible to get a guy of another race to date you!!!! I'm gonna blog on this later, but in short - stereotypes and interracial porn have ruined the black woman's chances of being approached by a guy of another race in an academic setting such as college. 

Us girls go through the college phase of just wanting to party, have fun, and be spoiled by guys...but we outgrow that stage before guys do, thus we sit around at our Aunt's houses watching marathons of shows we've never seen before! 

Tired of being squeezed out of the dating pool...somebody throw me a life vest!!!!

Are Black Women REALLY The Last Pick?

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The topic of BLACK WOMEN came up after speaking to a good friend for a few hours the other night and I must say the conversation left me feeling cheerless to say the least! To catch you all up on the conversation:

I made the comment that I feel black women are being squeezed out of the dating pool. My friend agreed, but not for the reason I was expecting him to. He agreed on the premise that black women are the least desirable for a relationship. Before he gets a *Oh no he didn't* or a *heffa say what!* with a neck roll, let him explain. He continues that Hispanic women are desired for sexual and sensual pleasures, Asian women for their obedience and traditional perspectives on relationships, and White women for their loyalty. He could not stat one SINGLE reason why a man would want to be with a Black woman, however. 

I really felt some kind of way after hearing this, for two reasons: 1) I wasn't expecting this reason for qualifying his statement; I was expecting something like "yeah they are not desired b/c they rob a man of his manhood in a relationship" or some other cliché that I have heard before. 2) NOTHING.... he couldn't think of ANYTHING to say about us sistahs??? I had to regroup after this... think for a minute about what was just said about me (since I am a Black woman). Sensitive old me would have taken it personal, as if he was saying that there is nothing about ME specifically that is relationship-worthy but I quickly realized that ALL Black women were included in this statement - Momma, G-ma, Aunt Neecie, Tasha, Sha' Porche, La'Tonya, Brionica, Aundre'li, and other ethnic names that escape me at the moment. 

WHAT!?!?? This can't be true! Out of the box of assorted chocolates that are black women, not 1 tickles your sweet tooth enough to put a ring on it....you know what I mean! 

This got me to thinking... could it be a biased or influenced perspective? As most of you know, I attend a predominately white school, and many of the Black men here feel as if black women are good enough to sleep with, but not good enough to be in a relationship with. So I employed the opinion of another male friend who attends a historically black university. When I told him that I thought Black women were being squeezed out of the dating pool he agreed, but for very, VERY different reasons:

I again start by saying I feel Black women are being left out of the dating pool. He agrees, stating that as more Black women graduate from college, more Black men enter the military or prison - making their same race matches disappear from their group of peers. If we consider interracial dating, Black women still earn less on average than their White and Asian peers, so there too is a disconnect, leaving the Black woman few choices for a mate who is her social, economic, and educational equal. He continued that even in cases of pro athletes, they socialize with their socioeconomic peers, who are either other players (thats another blog!), non Black, or celebrities, and there are only so many Gabrielle Union's to go around!

As this blog is getting longer than I would like it to be, let me try to sum my conclusion up in as little words as possible. Maybe us Black women are being left out when men decide to pick a partner, but I do not think it is because we are less desirable as a race, nor do I think it is because of the socioeconomic disconnect. I think that we as a group have been the victims of propaganda!!! YEAH I SAID IT! Every time a Black woman does something, it's a 'black thang'! Why so many generalizations? Why must I be considered not desirable simply because the 'portrayal' someone gets in their mind of a Black woman may not be desirable? Why am I not invited to the NBA All Star Weekend after parties...I mean I did about as much to get famous as Amber Rose did!! Okay.... scratch that! But you get what I mean. And what the HELL is an AVERAGE BLACK WOMAN anyways?!?!? My point is... people have become so desensitized to the Black woman that we are all seen as one big blob of big asses, bad attitudes, and #2 virgin Indian Remi weaves! Let's drop the stereotypes and get to know your nearest Black woman... chances are she's a lot more than what society would have you believe she is!