Why did I (we) do it??? Pt 1

This will be the first of 2 blogs...if you couldn't tell from the [Pt 1] in the title.

Okay, so I've never seen the 'Toya: a Family affair' show before today but somehow I have found myself watching a marathon! As I'm watching, one of her brothers [Casey] has an argument with the mother of his child [Gay Gay]. Gay Gay is a college student who works full time, and has found herself pregnant by Casey, currently unemployed and un-enrolled in school. My aunt - who is to blame for me watching this marathon - poses the question: "Why do these girls do that? Good girls go out here and get involved with these guys who have nothing going for themselves!"   I pause. given my recent situation in which I did EXACTLY that, I really had to evaluate my motivation behind it. Why did I decide that for my first relationship, I would decide to be with a man boy with no job, no potential, not in school, nothing in common with me???? 

I had to think for a second, then I realized: who would I date in school? What guy at my school would want to be in a relationship while in college? And if they did want to be in a relationship, chances are they are already in one! Secondly, Black guys who reach status seem to completely lose interest in Black women. As soon as they become engineering majors, varsity basketball\football\soccer (whatever) players, or any equivalent, they feel that being with girls of other races is the thing to do - be it as a symbol of status, exploring something new, or just plain preference. Honestly it's hard to find a black guy in school that will be in a relationship with a black girl, but it's damn near impossible to get a guy of another race to date you!!!! I'm gonna blog on this later, but in short - stereotypes and interracial porn have ruined the black woman's chances of being approached by a guy of another race in an academic setting such as college. 

Us girls go through the college phase of just wanting to party, have fun, and be spoiled by guys...but we outgrow that stage before guys do, thus we sit around at our Aunt's houses watching marathons of shows we've never seen before! 

Tired of being squeezed out of the dating pool...somebody throw me a life vest!!!!

To a Dark Skinned Black Woman

Dear Dark Skinned Black Women,
Here is why I think you're the most beautiful women on earth..

Your confidence.
You walk with the strength that centuries of pain has blessed you with, yet with the refined grace of dynasties past. And when you laugh, the stars align and sparkle along your face.

Your beautiful dark skin. Beautifully smooth, warm, pure, tempting....yeah tempting! Everyone loves chocolate...
And original...THE original!
I love us dark skinned black women! 
But I hate the way some of us blaspheme the original... wish it were watered down, bleached out....eased up...erased  

Blaque is the personification of all things life: strength, tone, beauty...

Touch Black in your mind, is it giving you chills yet?
Touch Caramel?
Touch White?
Touch Red?
Touch Yellow?

Not quite the same, is it?

Pay no attention to MTV and BET if they don't pay any attention to you.
Pay attention to the ones who see the kiss of Queens upon you.
Pay attention to the first woman, who was dark as the still of the night and as beautiful as the view into heaven itself.

And nothing's changed.
You're still that beautiful women.
And, I just wanted to remind you of that....remind us of that...

Every other women is just a reproduction of you!

As Graduation Nears...

As the last final I will ever take as an undergraduate approaches, it finally hits me that this is my last semester in college! Im outta here in August (long story that I will soon explain)!!!! I sit at my desk thinking of all the amazing times I've had... and all the not so amazing ones too! I decided why not update my blog with a list of things I would have done differently, if I had known what I know now:

1. Gone to a BASKETBALL game!!! Seriously, they always give out free stuff...plus it's my favorite sport!
2. Made friends with more professors....nothing like a good letter of recommendation =)
3. Enjoyed my freshman year more: it's all downhill from there
4. Lived on-campus...cheap, close to class, and great way to meet people
5. NEVER TAKE HONORS PHYSICS...and while we're at it NEVER TAKE AFRICANA STUDIES either!
6. Going Greek is hard.....staying Greek...even harder!
7. Have a life outside of school!
8. Never get a crush on your friend's brother... for some reason brothers of friends never like you back =\
9. Dressed up for class more often. People treat you so different when you're wearing a suit!
10. Save money from my refund checks!!!!
11. NEVER live with your Line Sister!!!!! 
12. Being in the library with books doesn't mean you are studying!
13. FACEBOOK is evil during midterms/finals
14. Unless its a math class or a major class, never buy the book!
15. Walking from the Chem Building to Lowder's 2nd floor auditorium in 8 minutes is NOT possible!
16. Make a friend...not just any ole friend....that one epic, novel worthy friend that will be there even after the cap and gown, pomp and circumstance, blow ups, scandals, crying sessions, laugh riots, late nights, early mornings, doctors visits, community service hours, World War 3, alien invasions...WHATEVER!! Find that friend in college, and hang on to them because friends like that only happen once in a lifetime...and because they will earn $1million more on average for having a Bachelors degree =D

Case of the Ex

Despite the misleading title, there will be no discussion of Mya (or her career...which seems to be on life support at the moment =\)

This blog is actually a personal one

So.... I made an exception to my 'No Backsies' rule

Allow me to explain: It has been my experience that if I have a falling out with someone once - be it a friend, cousin, or potential boyfriend - it WILL happen again! Therefore, I rarely befriend people I've been in arguments with again after an argument. This also applies to guys I've talked to: If we didn't end up in a relationship before... it likely won't happen now! so no re-dating (also known as Backsies!!)

Call this rule unrealistic if you want, but people have come in and out of my life (many not very pleasant) and I try to keep the repeats to a minimum. If you left before, there was a reason for it, and you will likely do it again!

Knowing this, I still violated my own rule... and now I'm knee deep in 'What do I do now?'

Truth is, the guy I violated my rule for (lets call him Joe, for the sake of simplicity, and to change his name to protect the not so innocent) always makes me violate rules!!! I met Joe over Spring Break '09, right after a harsh break up of sorts with the 1st guy I'd ever talked to. Joe and I danced the night away to the sounds of Lil Wayne, Uncle Luke, and other "pop that booty" rappers and ended up kinda diggin' each other. You can imagine what went on (seeing as how it was Spring Break)... and how surprised I was when he called me after we got back from Panama City Beach. After that Joe and I spent a lot of time together, that is, until a year later when I found out he had a girlfriend!!!

I didnt want to show it at the time, but I was hurt.... I actually liked Joe! And out of all of the Bozo-the-clowns if talked to since, I've had the strongest feelings for him. It was hard for me to shake him last year, so when he resurfaced a few months back via Facebook, I immediately clicked the 'confirm' button!

Well Joe is back now and what am I to do? I had such strong feelings for him (I refuse to say love, just because I dont know what 'love' is, and thats not an emotion you just throw around all willy nilly) and now that he's back, it almost feels like fate. He doesn't have a girlfriend now, and expressed that he wants to be with me but the idea still lingers in my head that when I met him before, he was CHEATING on his girlfriend with me. My grandmother always says 'How you get him is how you'll lose him', and I dont want my first REAL relationship to end with me being cheated on. So he's changed he says...and I actually believe that... but I'm just not ready to let my guard down I guess...

I should have stuck to my rule

Beautiful Girls at the Club are like Triple Whoppers.... with Cheese

  

So I met one of my closest friend's cousins last week at the club. One word: (O_O)!!!!!!! This chick was gorgeous!!! I mean like no questions, all around, universal appeal, is that a real person type beauty! She was like the perfect Beyonce-Lauryn Hill-Trina mix! =0!!! ....Hopefully you get the point I'm trying to make here (That ole' girl was BAD then a muh fuh and THICKER than grandma's cheese grits!!!)

Anywho, as I stood in amazement, gawking at what could possibly be the most beautiful girl I have seen thus far in my collegiate social life I realized something.... none of the guys around us seemed to be taking notice. Granted, there was a country music band playing terrible renditions of Nelly songs on fiddles and banjos playing in the background, but this should not have distracted the menfolk that much! I noticed that as she stood there balancing just the right amount of sex appeal and class, guys walked right past her - flocking to the group of Pigeons and Hood Mice standing near her. How could this be??!?? How could a girl who looks like Aphrodite created her herself be passed over for a chick in Miley Cyrus collection shorts and hair store 'sale' bin weave?!?

One explanation: Triple Whoppers with cheese!!!! Damn you Burger King!!!
No seriously tho, let me explain what I mean:

You just paid your bursar registration bill for this semester - so you're FLAT BROKE! You're hungry, so you head to BK. When you get there you see the #3: Triple Whopper (w/ cheese). DAMN YOU WANT that Whopper... but you know you don't have the $7.25 (don't judge me) to get it  - so you settle for the Grilled Chicken sandwich - no cheese, no bacon, no ketchup! 

Are you getting it now??? Dont worry, it took me a while too!
Here's the thing:

When guys go to the club, they want to have a good time.... but they dont want to work for that good time! Convenience is the code at the club, so if you look in any way inconvenient - i.e. classy, beautiful, bout yo business!...$7.25 expensive when they just paid their bill - dont expect to get holla'd at. Don't take it as an insult towards your attractiveness - you may very well be the most beautiful girl in the club that night (as my friend's cousin CLEARLY was) - but you pose a threat, a challenge...not easy! Guys may feel like you are on a totally different level than they are and that they dont stand a chance, so their fear of rejection leaves them right there...tryna talk to the Hood Mice... the Chicken Sandwiches they know they can have.

So the next time you feel discouraged at the club because the Chicken Sandwich next to you got holla'd at and you didn't - don't take it as an attack...maybe the guy just couldn't afford you: the Triple Whopper.....with cheese!!!

1-D Friends

One dimensional friends......am I the only one who feels like I know people like this?
If you're not sure what I mean by a 1-D friend, allow me 2 provide a few examples:

1. Angela - the friend that calls me every saturday to see what club is 'Jumpin tonight'

2. Tiffany - The Wal-Mart homie that only calls when she needs help carrying grocery bags

3. Joanna - the Vegan friend who you only see at Animal Rights rallies (maybe this one is just me)

4. Bernadette - the friend who blows the horn outside ur window every Sunday so you can ride with her to early morning service at her grandpa's Episcopal Baptist Church

Hopefully you get my drift.... 

Am I the only person with friends like these? It wouldn't (and doesnt) bother me when a relationship is FORCED to be this way - for example Alex, the girl I sit next to in Biology and occasionally chat with, who I never plan on seeing outside of the classroom! But when we have hung out together, run in the same circles, I've met your mom, you've seen me cry, I donated my right kidney to your sister...I kinda expect more than a 1-D relationship with you!

Case in point: 1-D friend who REFUSES to talk with me about anything other than hair! 1-D has clubbed on weekends with me, studied with me, slept on my bed (long story), AND ate off my meal plan! Eating off my meal plan?!?!? thats love and commitment right there, and the most I get in conversation is "Girrrrrrrl, how did you get your baby hairs to lay down like that???" 

(O_O)

Really? 

In cases like these, 1-D friends really irritate me. I feel like they have type-cast me for a role that I didnt even audition for! My question is WHY??? Did 1-D decide that all of my other conversations were boring, so all we can discuss is hair? Or maybe 1-D in fact really is one dimensional, and only discusses hair =\

Whatever the reason for this foolery, I want no parts of it! 

The one thing that I have lacked my entire life has been long-lasting friendships - either I would move around too much to maintain relationships or would all of a sudden fall out with a 'friend' that I did manage to keep. I've noticed this pattern and dont wish to continue it! I'm done with the on-off-on-off friends! I feel that 1-D's are just another form of these. I don't want friends I don't hear from all week, then saturday night they BLOW MY PHONE UP!! 

I want holistic friends, 3-Dimensional friends....hell, I want HD Plasma Screen friends!!!!!!!!

Are Black Women REALLY The Last Pick?

****

The topic of BLACK WOMEN came up after speaking to a good friend for a few hours the other night and I must say the conversation left me feeling cheerless to say the least! To catch you all up on the conversation:

I made the comment that I feel black women are being squeezed out of the dating pool. My friend agreed, but not for the reason I was expecting him to. He agreed on the premise that black women are the least desirable for a relationship. Before he gets a *Oh no he didn't* or a *heffa say what!* with a neck roll, let him explain. He continues that Hispanic women are desired for sexual and sensual pleasures, Asian women for their obedience and traditional perspectives on relationships, and White women for their loyalty. He could not stat one SINGLE reason why a man would want to be with a Black woman, however. 

I really felt some kind of way after hearing this, for two reasons: 1) I wasn't expecting this reason for qualifying his statement; I was expecting something like "yeah they are not desired b/c they rob a man of his manhood in a relationship" or some other cliché that I have heard before. 2) NOTHING.... he couldn't think of ANYTHING to say about us sistahs??? I had to regroup after this... think for a minute about what was just said about me (since I am a Black woman). Sensitive old me would have taken it personal, as if he was saying that there is nothing about ME specifically that is relationship-worthy but I quickly realized that ALL Black women were included in this statement - Momma, G-ma, Aunt Neecie, Tasha, Sha' Porche, La'Tonya, Brionica, Aundre'li, and other ethnic names that escape me at the moment. 

WHAT!?!?? This can't be true! Out of the box of assorted chocolates that are black women, not 1 tickles your sweet tooth enough to put a ring on it....you know what I mean! 

This got me to thinking... could it be a biased or influenced perspective? As most of you know, I attend a predominately white school, and many of the Black men here feel as if black women are good enough to sleep with, but not good enough to be in a relationship with. So I employed the opinion of another male friend who attends a historically black university. When I told him that I thought Black women were being squeezed out of the dating pool he agreed, but for very, VERY different reasons:

I again start by saying I feel Black women are being left out of the dating pool. He agrees, stating that as more Black women graduate from college, more Black men enter the military or prison - making their same race matches disappear from their group of peers. If we consider interracial dating, Black women still earn less on average than their White and Asian peers, so there too is a disconnect, leaving the Black woman few choices for a mate who is her social, economic, and educational equal. He continued that even in cases of pro athletes, they socialize with their socioeconomic peers, who are either other players (thats another blog!), non Black, or celebrities, and there are only so many Gabrielle Union's to go around!

As this blog is getting longer than I would like it to be, let me try to sum my conclusion up in as little words as possible. Maybe us Black women are being left out when men decide to pick a partner, but I do not think it is because we are less desirable as a race, nor do I think it is because of the socioeconomic disconnect. I think that we as a group have been the victims of propaganda!!! YEAH I SAID IT! Every time a Black woman does something, it's a 'black thang'! Why so many generalizations? Why must I be considered not desirable simply because the 'portrayal' someone gets in their mind of a Black woman may not be desirable? Why am I not invited to the NBA All Star Weekend after parties...I mean I did about as much to get famous as Amber Rose did!! Okay.... scratch that! But you get what I mean. And what the HELL is an AVERAGE BLACK WOMAN anyways?!?!? My point is... people have become so desensitized to the Black woman that we are all seen as one big blob of big asses, bad attitudes, and #2 virgin Indian Remi weaves! Let's drop the stereotypes and get to know your nearest Black woman... chances are she's a lot more than what society would have you believe she is!